what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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