I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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