the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
