I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize