Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
