I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
