I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize