successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My vagina is officially offended.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
