Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Damn victory sex feels great
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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