I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just google imaged poop.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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