I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
