just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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