youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i permit you to call me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
