Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
