He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
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i love accidental penises.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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