Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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