connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
