none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
