mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
