I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
