i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize