I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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