i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
