Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
