Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
