your parents love me but you hate me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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