The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
