Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Acid is not a monday night drug
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
