hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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