Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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