Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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