look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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