I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD