At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
