At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me