I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.