you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....