I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
