What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
