I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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