Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize