Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
