based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
