Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
