well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
