i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
