is your mom at the bar?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
