he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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