if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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