chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
