i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
