Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
