Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
