guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
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They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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