he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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