I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
