You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
