Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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