You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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