SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
