I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
