Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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