can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
