i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
