guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
