If that was your dad, he is hot
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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