I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize