me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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