I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
